Sshhh! My Wife Doesn't Know!

Why is it that romance is so easy and marriage so hard?

Why can’t couples preserve their pre-marital idealism and prevent it from disintegrating into post-marital conflict?

I’ve been married for 15 years and like all married couples, we’ve had our good times and bad, we’ve had periods of peace and periods of war, we’ve had open communication and closed silence, and we’ve both had a handful of our most cherished life expectations shattered on the rocky shores of the others will.

Why am I still married… and I should say happily married? If you want the truth, I’d say that we just got lucky. We’re not smarter than other couples, we’re not more alike than other couples, and we don’t work on our marriage more than other couples. Basically, we’re not anything more than other couples we know that have been less successful than us in their relationships.

It worries me, though. People change, circumstances change, challenges change, expectations change… really, everything is in flux. It seems that all people and couples can really do is to react and respond appropriately to these changes and continue to build their lives in ways that preserve those things that are most important to them. I think this is one spot where people’s values, both as individuals and couples, come into play.

To make a long story short… why am I writing this blog?

I could sit here, complain about my wife, and make a long list of things she does and doesn’t do that are ruining our relationship and not fulfilling me as a man and husband. I’m sure she could make a similar list about me, though her list would probably be longer, lol! This approach won’t get either of us anywhere, will only lead to conflict, will make us both more me centered and selfish, and does nothing to help nurture and build our relationship together.

I think a better approach would be if I spent my time making a list of things that are important to my wife and figuring out a way to fulfill them. As her husband, it’s a way I can help take care of her, all of her, especially those things most important to her. It would certainly be nice if she did the same for me, but that’s probably something she has to come to on her own. Hopefully, if I took this basic approach to her, over time she would recognize my efforts and respond in kind.

I think some of the basic things important to my wife, and to all women for that matter, are appreciation, communication, respect, attention, and attraction. If I could give her these five things, I’d be way ahead in the marriage game, lol!

I’ve decided, as an exercise in marriage improvement, to blog my endeavors at making sure that my wife feels what she needs to feel in order to be a more satisfied person, to be happily married, and to feel safe and secure in her relationship with me as her husband.