I SURRENDER! Now give me a hug!

A friend of mine is married with four children. Over the past year or so, I've listened to him complain extensively about his wife. I finally decided to ask him a few personal questions about their relationship.

It turns out that they’re in constant conflict. She feels judged and unappreciated by him… and he feels disrespected and ignored by her. I bet they can’t wait to get into bed together!

What are they supposed to do? I guess they have two choices other than divorce. Either they both surrender at the same time, put their guns down, start communicating differently, and work on building their relationship… or one of them surrenders unconditionally, puts his or her gun down, and hopes that that his or her partner decides to eventually stop shooting as well.

Why are marriages so hard? Two people meet each other, talk and get to know each other, spend time and listen to each other, smile and look at each other in the eyes, share and expose their inner beings with each other, and eventually commit to spend their lives together. It’s beautiful! These same two people get married, make continuous love with each other, and have children together… the ultimate expressions of intimacy, commitment, respect, and love.

Then I guess all hell breaks lose…

It scares me how so many marriages fall apart, how many children are affected, how many disappointment there are, how many dreams are shattered, and how many people have to start over to rebuild their lives.

How can married people preserve the romance, excitement, and commitment they had for each other just moments before they got married?

In my friend's particular situation, I really think he should be the one to unconditionally surrender, give his wife a long hug, and give her the undeniable feeling that he actually loves her. Then, I think they could start communicating...